Fa la la la la la la la crap.
Well the holiday season is almost over. Everyone still alive? I sure as hell hope so, it's been a hard one for everyone this year i think. Annie's holidays have been good so far, i'm back at work for the next three days, that sucks ass, but what you gonna do right? I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and Mike, spent Christmas evening with my dad and his family and boxing day with my Step-mom and her people.
Christmas Eve was the only night that was normal really. Family, food and dog walking, everything was good. What i really wanted to share today was the Christmas experience i had with my Dad's family Christmas night. I guess i should first say that i hadn't attended Christmas with my Dad's family in about 6 years. Why? Well, when you're in a couple you have to sacrifice one holiday day for your significant other's family. And so i had gleefully given up Christmas at Granny's. But to make my Dad happy i told him i'd show up after supper around 7h30ish. I got there right one time to have one drink with my Dad and then he, and all my cousins, took off. Leaving me with my Aunt Eileen, auntie Felicity, Uncle Ernest, Uncle Jacob (yes the penis bleeder) and Ralph (yes the wannabe mayor of Dorval). As soon as my grand-mother was out the door, my aunts were sparking up a doobie, and as they're doing this my Uncle Ernest passes me the hash and puts me to work. He's been smoking longer then i've been alive but that motherfucker still doesn't know how to roll. Can you believe that shit?
So i'm sitting there and Ralph looks at me and says:
Ralph : Who's daughter are you?
Me: I'm Edward's daughter.
At this point even my Uncle Ernest (who's never really liked me all that much) was like What the hell man, it's Annie!
Ralph: So... your father knows you do this?
Me: yeah. i mean, i'm an adult, i work, i pay my bills, whatever's left over it's nobody's business what i do.
Ralph: well...i have a daughter...Tammy... do you know Tammy.
me: Yeah i know Tammy, she's my cousin.
Ralph: Really? oh, well see it's all about respect. (this coming from a man who used to beat the shit out of my aunt) I wouldn't want to know that my daughter does this.
Me: you gonna tell on me Uncle Ralph?
Ralph: No no, that's not what i'm sayin'
He then got up and went downstairs and passed out.
I've smoked with family before, so it's not like i didn't know what i was getting into, but it's never been this weird before. All my aunts and uncles were basically trying to get my attention all evening ei:
"my guy makes his hash with ice-water"
"Did you see the new bracelet i got, i've always wanted one of these" (a bracelet with a gold 18 wheeler with rubies for headlights, classy shit)
"Are you hungry? try the meat pies"
"so dude, you're dick still bleeding?"
"This shit is a Ten! TEN!"
"We never see you! you never come over!"
"let me fix you a plate of something"
So basically that was about it for 4 hours. The uncles talking to me about drugs and the aunts trying to feed me in between sentences.
by the way the meat pies were awesome. And I swiped some hash off my uncle Ernest. Happy Festivus Bitches.
Christmas Eve was the only night that was normal really. Family, food and dog walking, everything was good. What i really wanted to share today was the Christmas experience i had with my Dad's family Christmas night. I guess i should first say that i hadn't attended Christmas with my Dad's family in about 6 years. Why? Well, when you're in a couple you have to sacrifice one holiday day for your significant other's family. And so i had gleefully given up Christmas at Granny's. But to make my Dad happy i told him i'd show up after supper around 7h30ish. I got there right one time to have one drink with my Dad and then he, and all my cousins, took off. Leaving me with my Aunt Eileen, auntie Felicity, Uncle Ernest, Uncle Jacob (yes the penis bleeder) and Ralph (yes the wannabe mayor of Dorval). As soon as my grand-mother was out the door, my aunts were sparking up a doobie, and as they're doing this my Uncle Ernest passes me the hash and puts me to work. He's been smoking longer then i've been alive but that motherfucker still doesn't know how to roll. Can you believe that shit?
So i'm sitting there and Ralph looks at me and says:
Ralph : Who's daughter are you?
Me: I'm Edward's daughter.
At this point even my Uncle Ernest (who's never really liked me all that much) was like What the hell man, it's Annie!
Ralph: So... your father knows you do this?
Me: yeah. i mean, i'm an adult, i work, i pay my bills, whatever's left over it's nobody's business what i do.
Ralph: well...i have a daughter...Tammy... do you know Tammy.
me: Yeah i know Tammy, she's my cousin.
Ralph: Really? oh, well see it's all about respect. (this coming from a man who used to beat the shit out of my aunt) I wouldn't want to know that my daughter does this.
Me: you gonna tell on me Uncle Ralph?
Ralph: No no, that's not what i'm sayin'
He then got up and went downstairs and passed out.
I've smoked with family before, so it's not like i didn't know what i was getting into, but it's never been this weird before. All my aunts and uncles were basically trying to get my attention all evening ei:
"my guy makes his hash with ice-water"
"Did you see the new bracelet i got, i've always wanted one of these" (a bracelet with a gold 18 wheeler with rubies for headlights, classy shit)
"Are you hungry? try the meat pies"
"so dude, you're dick still bleeding?"
"This shit is a Ten! TEN!"
"We never see you! you never come over!"
"let me fix you a plate of something"
So basically that was about it for 4 hours. The uncles talking to me about drugs and the aunts trying to feed me in between sentences.
by the way the meat pies were awesome. And I swiped some hash off my uncle Ernest. Happy Festivus Bitches.
posted by Annie | 1:46 PM
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