Alpha Males and the universe that surrounds them

On the ass end of my vacation i got to spend some time with my friends since they are, for the most part, unemployed or don't give a shit about their jobs. Friday I spent with Trevor, having ourselves a great cat nap in the sun, interspersed with conversations about life, love and the Alpha male. Later on we went to, yes again, the RV. Played some pool, and although i am becoming an all round better player Mase still kicked my ass. But you know what, he paid for the drinks, so we'll let him have his small victories. By the way, an Uppercut is an awesome shot. Pineapple juice and a shot of amaretto, hoo wee bob. Around 12h30am i got a taste of the Alpha male up close and personal, cuz my good buddy who'd gone out for a pack of smokes, left my ass at the bar. Fucked off thank you very much. "sorry, got distracted" at another bar. You know, i'm not pissed, i'm not. He doesn't owe me shit, and i'm happy he found someone he got along with. I went back to Chubby Chaser's all kinds of drunk, got sick a little, and then smoked this mega-Jamaican-rum-blunt, the size of a cigar, all alone on CC's balcony, that shit put me right out. The next morning i woke up hungover and feeling overall like a big pile of dog shit. CC came to see me and we talked for a bit, I don't know what came over me but i was so sad all of a sudden, started telling him about how there had been this real cute guy at the RV (which NEVER happens) and that he'd walked out with his friend just as i was singing Folsom Prison Blues (kareoke, i'm not just getting up to sing randomly here) and that Mase just left me there, and that i'm finding it hard to meet new people, just like that, without having to resort to chat lines/rooms. Then today Gen and I are standing on CC's front stoop/balcony and the upstairs neighbor, whom i'd never seen before, comes out and strikes up a conversation. And then asks for my number. Well. The universe does listen people.

Chubby Chaser: When do you think "gay" stopped meaning merry and started to mean "homosexual"?

Annie: I'm guessing sometime after the flintstones's went off the air.

This one's for the ladies

I noticed that as of late i've been writing about lesbianism quite a bit. So, i do believe it's time to hetero this bitch up. Lot's of guys in tv/movie land have been making Annie rewind-play-pause-rewind-play-pause recently, so i thought i'd make a little list of guys i'd like to ride rodeo style.

No particular order, everyone's equal in Annie's eyes.

Jake Gyllenhaal:
I recently watched two movies with Gyllenhaal, and let me tell you he's rapidly becoming one of Annie's favorite guy actors. I'm sorry to get all gay again, but fuck it, Brokeback Mountain was an excellent movie. I fucking loved it, cried like a goddamn baby. Donnie Darko was also very good, as was the good girl. But as far as hotness is concerned, have you seen Jarhead? Holy shit ladies!!! There is a scene in that movie where he is doing his girlfriend up against a wall and we get about 10 seconds of the most gorgeous ass shot EVER! If i could use that as my screensaver, i would.

Ryan Reynolds :
Well, i think "holy shit have you seen these abs" pretty much covers it. Reynolds is the shit, Canadian and fucking gorgeous. Loved Van Wilder, another movie with an ass shot i would like to frame. Blade III, well, again ABS PEOPLE!!! Amityville horror, ok not sexy in the conventional way, but creepy sexy, sure. I have to say that the best Reynolds scene i've seen so far would have to be in Waiting... he lifts up his wife-beater to show of the abs at one point...oh man, no words.

Tom Welling:
I had to put him in there. Sure sure he can't act his way out of a paper bag, but who cares, he's hot. Smallville, hot. The fog, crap movie, but still hot. Cheaper by the dozen 1 and 2, crapfest i know, but still, you look at him and it does not matter.


Christian Bale:
Batman had to make the list, cuz, well he's pretty freakin' hot too. Loved Bale in Little women and American psycho, but as Mr.Wayne, can't get much better.

Jason Lee:
Lee is still my God. I love him so much it's embarrassing. I love him in everything he's ever appeared in. Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Drawing Flies, My name is Earl, whatever, he's the shit. He's hot no matter what, Reynolds mustache and all.

"I fucked her aura"

Have you ever noticed that post-coitus hair is the best. I mean it always looks awesome, all shiny but not dirty shiny, just right. Someone should think about bottling that shit, i'm sure it would be popular. We could call it "sex goo for your doo", but don't hold me to that name, i'm just throwin' shit out there.



Ed's note:

today's blog title has been supplied by Trevor, who recently said this to me about his new lady friend.

Kiss me, I'm shitfaced.

When entering the workforce it is very important to have a doctor on your side. Not one on the take, that would be wrong, but one who will look the other way when you fake illness. I have said doctor and managed to get Monday and tuesday off. Fucking awesome. Didn't do anything monday , just chilled and watched some movies with Chubby Chaser, whom i had corrupted into taking the day of with me. I was going to spend tuesday at CC's watching movies in my underwear, but Trevor called and came over around 11h30, so had to put some pants on. So we called CC at work, who was not having a good day at all, and he in turn decided to leave work at noon due to anger problems. We then called Mase and all of a sudden the day was off to a fantabulous start. Was yesterday not a B-E-A-U-tiful day or what? Fuck man! We played cards and did some hot knives but couldn't really allow ourselves to stay indoors with a day like that, it would have been like smacking Jesus in the face, really, it was that nice out. So we decided to pick up a frizbe and headed down by the river near terminus Monette-Lafleur, down near the water and train tracks. Once again i must emphasize on how fucking gorgeous the day was yesteray. Mase and I played Frisbee for a good 30 minutes, and in that 30 minutes ended up in the St-Laurence 4 times to fish the stupid thing out. I will not be entering any Frisbee competitions anytime soon. As we were playing a girl with a guitar sat close enough to us to make the day even better, good friends, nice doobie and a little music on the breeze, just really good. So once we'd had enough, I walked over to Catou and invited her to join us on the rocks under the bridge. CC and her jammed a little, sang some songs, chilled in the sun. I hope the entire summer is filled with days and nights like yesterday.

God that was fucking sappy huh? eh, what the hell, sometimes a girl just can't help herself.

Playing for the other team?

I drove Mel home yesterday. She lives in Lasalle and it was on the way. We'd had a tough day at work and venting to one another when she asked "you don't smoke do you? well, cigarettes i mean" "usually no, but i'd take a smoke if you're offering". So she leaned forward in her seat and lit two cigarettes at once, then handed me one. Again people, Annie's not thinking of joining the other team on a permanent basis , but for about 2 minutes on the drive home yesterday, i was a big lesbian. That shit really turned me on for some reason, no one's ever done that before for me and it was just very very sexy.

"She's like the Venus De Milo, she's beautiful but she's not all there."

The other day Chubby Chaser made me watch the Raw again (sigh)and although i did my best to read my comics and not pay attention, at one point Vince McMahon comes out and tells everyone that the only reason Sean Michaels beat him is because of divine intervention:

"The only reason you beat me Sean is because you had divine intervention, GOD was your tag-team partner. And tomorrow i want a re-match. That's right, that's you and God and me and the product of my semen."

I swear i almost died laughing.

Great gas station customer service

Last week my boss pulled our team into a meeting to let us know we're part of a special project to try to improve our customer service. So they put us in a room and we talked about what we think good customer service is for about 2h30 hours. They went around the room and asked each one of us to talk about an experience we'd had with good customer service. I had the best experience a couple nights ago when i stopped for gas at like 3am. When you gas up at 3am, it's like you're in the states and the gas attendant makes you pay in advance, before pumping. So i walk in, ask for 20$ and I asked for some condoms. So the guy looks at me, smiles and asks what kind i'd like. "i don't care, really" so the guy hands me the Her Pleasure condoms. When i got back in my car i thought about that shit.... this gas attendant guy was looking out for me man. That is taking customer relations to a whole other level my friends.

what is normal anyway?

Chubby Chaser, Mase and I were sitting around playing cards, having a few drinks, after Chubby Chaser's lady friend took off. Mase turns to us and says:

Mase: Is it just me... or does it feel like... i don't know... since she left, that things are like back to normal?

CC & Me: no, i think you're right.

Mase gets up and goes to the bathroom and leaves the door open

Me: ... well, things really are back to normal, we can pee with the bathroom door open again.

CC: ...I wonder if he left the door open when she was here... perhaps that's why she left so fast.

Where are all the normal people?

So i never got to meet Chubby Chaser's lady friend. And apparently she's no longer his lady friend. What the hell happened in one day? you all might be asking. So Wednesday night after my shift at 8pm, i gave CC a call to let him know that i was on my way over. He let's me know that she's already left and only really stayed for 30 minutes. Apparently he'd let her know that i was coming over and then Mase showed up, and she apparently could not handle meeting all of CC's friends in one night... which i can kinda understand... but then CC tells me that she gave him a call from the cab to let him know that things were not going to work out. That is so fucked up i don't even have words. I mean, sure you don't wanna meet everyone, fine, but damn, it's your way or the highway?, that's just messed up. I'm so disappointed. I was really psyched to get to meet her...i never get to meet them and that sucks, let's hope the next one has some balls, so to speak.

This town needs an enema.

Tonight i get to meet Chubby Chaser's new lady friend. We'll call her Andrea, since she seems to insist in calling everyone Tony. She's from St-Leonard, go figure. This is the first one i've ever been allowed to meet so far. It's weird. I'm part excited, part nervous, part hungry. I haven't eaten breakfast. Since CC is a cool guy he let's me sleep at his place from time to time, so i can sleep in town and not have to worry about getting up early, i'm sleeping over there tonight and he's gonna drop that on her tonight also. We women are curious beings. The possibility of me walking into a land mine is very real. I don't know this person and she doesn't know me but i am a women who's sleeping at her potential mate's place of residence. I know she's got nothing to worry about, but does she? Nope. It should be interesting to say the least.

Is this love that I'm feeling,
Is this the love, that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming,
This must be love,
'Cos it's really got a hold on me,
A hold on me...

Annie : dude what the hell is this? White Snake?

Chubby Chaser: yeah

Annie: man, i ask you to put on something chill... some Neil Young or some Hip, and i get White Snake? You are such a homosexual.

Chubby Chaser: yeah that's me, i'm a homosexual, that's why i hit on you from time to time.

Annie: ....

Annie: you know that just makes me think that i look like a dude to you, so that's not comforting.

chubby Chaser: ha ha very funny.

Annie: you KNOW if we had an audience that shit would have gotten big laughs.

Chubby Chaser: probably.

I watched Mr.Destiny yesterday. I picked up that movie like 2-3 months ago and never had the chance to watch it, i mean i'd seen years ago, but not recently. So James Belushi's car breaks down at the beginning, right in front of this run down bar. He walks in and finds Michael Caine and unhappy Larry Burrows sees what his life could've been like, had he made that winning home run as a teenager. The name of the bar is The Universal Joint. I love that. I told Chubby Chaser right away, that's the name of our comic/hobby shop.