Yesterday was a very sad day for me. I lost the best friend i've had for the last 14 years. He was always there for me, always listen and let me cry when i needed it. Never judged me never made me feel small or unworthy of anything. He helped a 13 year old girl get threw some pretty confusing times when my parents got divorced. Showed me unconditional love when every one else seemed to be looking out for number one. Stuck by me threw 6 moves, one long term relationship and a kitten 3 years ago named Oy. He even didn't complain when I started making him sleep on the couch instead of in bed with me, where he belonged. That's my regret this morning. That i didn't just pick him up bring him with me... i didn't want to disturb him, i thought it might be hard for him to get down from there. I just said "good night buddy" and i gave him a pat on the head, too scared to pick him up because he suddenly looked so goddamn frail and little. How the hell did this happen? When did you get so old? I guess life takes us away from the people that really love us, takes us away until we're barely recognizable. Life's abides and no one makes it out alive, that's the joke of it all, the great cosmic farce.

I went to bed. Sat there for a minute. Reached for the bag i keep under my bed. In it i keep the last bottle of old spice i gave to my grandfather, a rose from him casket, the last father's day card i gave him and some of his ashes. Whenever i feel really alone i take a whif from the old spice and feel a little better. I prayed. I don't often but i did. I prayed he wouldn't die while i was sleeping, that i'd be there for him. I woke up and went to work. Then i deciced, fuck it, let them fire me i'm going home. He was by the door when i got back, ready to go. I know he's never liked being in the car, and i guess the stress of it all was just too much. I knew this day was gonna come... i just... i always thought he'd be the exception to the rule, out living everybody, even me.

He was my best friend, i miss him so much it hurts. Everybody out there's gonna think i'm off my fucking rocker, but i don't care. Paws was the best, and everybody knows it. He was the coolest cat on the fucking planet. There'll never be another one like him. I love him and right now life is just cruel. What sucks is that this will pass, eventually time does heal shit and life goes on. People forget, that's why the suicide rate isn't high as it should be. I shouldn't like that but i'm groggy from all the sleeping pills and muscle relaxants i've been taking. I know tomorrow i'll feel a little better, and the day after that a little better then the day before. And i'll forget. I'll forget about when he'd come say "hi" to me in the morning and bump me on the head while i was on the can. Or when he come and watch tv with me at night, not like other cats to sit on my lap and be petted but more to sit on the couch next to me and watch TV. Or when he'd sit right under Jay's cigarette and looked as if he sorta missed smoking, like he'd been doing 2 packs a day in a previous life. I'm gonna foget all that one day, until all i have left are a couple of pictures.

I'm leave in a bit to get Paws's name tattooed somewhere... people'll think i'm crazy but i don't care, 14 years deserves something.

this is Paws, the best cat in the world.

I watched her get into your car. I was in the backseat, and all of a sudden it was like i was watching a movie. You were talking to me about my insurance crap and i really wasn't listening. She walked to the car and i watched her as she went and i thought "oh crap, so that's what a girl is supposed to look and act like" And i'm nothing remotly close to that. I sat in the backseat and watched the backs of your heads. Pearl Jam came on the radio and i wanted to cry. I thought "of course he's with her...she's an adult, she carries a purse and wears lipstick and shit like that that you've never done. Of course he's with her, she's a girly girl who sits and is polite and she doesn't say fuck at all. The next day J asked what was wrong "....they look good together don't they?" "yeah, i guess they do" "hmph" "why?" "oh nothing.... it's just...that's what a girl is supposed to be like huh? i'm just not it at all" "Annie, you know that you're better then most girls... she doesn't know anything about what we like and do, so in that way you're better" But that's the thing isn't it, boys don't want the girl who knows everything they want the girl they can show the world too.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO!

For those of you who don't enjoy spoilers on Smallville, i'd stop reading right about now. I've just learn that this season on Smallville, Clark and Lana will consummate their relationship. That's right, Lana's gonna ride the baloney poney, the bacon torpedo. He's gonna give her his member of steel. I make light of all this because if i don't i'll cry. Al Gough mentioned in an interview that they'll be using the Superman II loophole. Which means he'll be locking himself in a kryptonian phone booth and bombarded by red light, after which he'll no longer be in need of a kryptonite condom and able to be do the girl next door. I don't know about anybody else, but i've always loved that Sups's one and only love truly is Lois. I've always loved the relationship Lana and Clark have in the Donner movie, she's the one who got away and because of that or maybe even in spite of it, he's there for her no matter what, but as a friend. I just don't like this idea that they're going to take his powers away, again, and this time take advantage of the situation. This stinks of the WB and not enough DC. I'm afraid that the fact Loeb isn't working on the show is gonna start showing right off the bat.

Can you get ear lobe cancer?

The last couple of weeks have been the worst skin weeks i think i've ever had. The last time this kinda shit happened C&C music factory was all the rage. I'm not saying i haven't had a zit since then, but i'm talking full on pimple madness here. Last week i realized that i had an ingrown hair that had turned into a zit... i won't say where it was, how big it got or how i eventually got rid of that motherfucker, but needless to say it was not an experience i'd like to relive. Two days ago it was a pimple on my cheek that only left me this morning. Yesterday i had one right above my eyebrow and it gave me a headache all day. Also this morning i awoke because my ear was bothering me. When i went to check it out it seemed fine at first glance but when i touched it i realized i had a little lump in the lobe. I know that shit ain't an in-grown hair on my ear... Now, does ear lobe cancer exist? I hope not.

The 132 is a time vortex

On monday i left my house at 6h45am, got to work at 7h40. Tuesday, left at the same time, got to work at 7h50. Wednesday i left at 6h30am (since the radio warned there was traffic with a 15 minute delay) and got to work at 8h03am, 3 minutes late. Today i left at 6h30am again, only today the traffic was backed up to the wallmart on the 132, which usually would mean that i'd be at least 30/45 minutes late, and again i arrived 3 minutes late.

Ralph Macchio is a bamboo flute god.

When i was little i used to sleep over at my grand-parents house quite a bit. And more often then not i'd always ask my grand-mother to put on The Zamfir tape. Not until this minute have i realized that it's probably because of The karate kid. How fucked up is that.

Annie's fall line-up

Since i have nothing better to do with my lunch break and since i have no life to speak of, i've decided to let the world know what Annie will be watching this fall... also it'll be my way of making sure i don't miss the season premieres, cuz i always seem to miss that shit and end up having to buy the dvd or wait until reruns to see how things started.

Tuesday, sept. 13th : I won't be watching, but I know Chocolate wonder will be, closet metrosexual that he is, tonight is the season premiere of Gilmore Girls. Taken straight from an email CW sent me today : "Will Luke say Yes ? ? How will Rory adjust to living in her grand-parents house ? ? ? Will she do time for her theft ? ? ? SO MANY QUESTIONS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ".

Monday, sept. 19th: The season premiere of Medium. I like this show... i guess it's because of Patricia Arquette, i think she's excellent in this.

Tuesday sept. 20th: Big night for Annie's tv watching!! NCIS's season premiere is at 8pm (How will Denoso deal with Kate having been shot in the head? Probably not well.) And yes! Ladies and Gentlemen!!! My name is Earl is starting at 9pm. I have no words to describe how happy i am.

Thursday sept 22nd: CSI is back on with new shows at 9pm. Will Grissom get his team back? Will Nick get over being burried alive? All signs point to yeah, probably.

Thursday sept 29th: This is the day i've been waiting for since summer begin people. SMALLVILLE season 5 begins at 8pm. A boy becomes a man, a friend becomes a foe and a man becomes LEGEND! I cannot wait for this one.


Those are the season openers, of course Annie's been watching a couple other shows here and there, such as Family guy, sundays at 9pm, Prison Break mondays at 9pm and Doctor Who Sundays at 8pm. Doctor Who will be returning sometime around christmas with a new Doctor. that's about it really.

Two birds burried under a bush

My Father, step-mom and step-grandmother are leaving tomorrow. 10 days of freedom. 10 days of having the entire house, not just the basement, to myself. 10 days of underwear sporting fun. 10 days with the 52inch tv. 10 days of internet worry free porn. It's almost too good to be true.

I am, however, a little freaked out. See, last year when they went to Belgium, everything was fine until about halfway threw the week. One of the budgies i'd given my folks a few years back, Sheldon to be more precise, dropped fucking dead. Which, to me anyway, wasn't that bad a thing, i mean how upset can you be over one less shit machine. Thankfully, at that time, my cousin was there, so i didn't have to touch dead bird. Although ever since then i'm pretty sure my stepmom thinks i'm a bird murderer, but hey you can't win em all right?

So this time, when my dad announced to me that they'd be leaving, I jokingly pointed to Booker, the remaining budgie, and said "YOU motherfucker! you better not die while they're away!"

The next day, and i shit you not, my dad knocked on my door and said:

Annie, you won't have to worry about feeding the bird while we're gone.

Why not?

Because the fucker laid 2 eggs and died this morning.

And now i'm afraid for my stepmom's cats. If one of those guys dies on me i'm fucked.

ACHI: Home of the rectal probe

For my second wish, I would want my birthday, June 23rd, to be declared an international holiday. Festivities would include a parade in my honor in all major cities of the world accompanied by fireworks of course ; all radio play lists would be determined for that one day by me ; all television stations will also conform to a predetermined list of Annie's favorite shows/movies ; restaurants world wide would serve up the "Annie's special" which would consist of shrimp cocktail, Gallo's back yard BBQ rib combo, my mother's macaroni salad and her boston cream pie. It would be my day indeed, and what a day it would be.

Most of my friends are guys. I have two friends that are girls and that's about it, everyone else of the female persuation are pretty much acquaintances. Up until this weekend i've always felt like the perfect spy. No, wait. Not that i'm spying on my guy friends, that's not what i mean. What i meant to say is that the fact that I have ovaries has, for the last 10 years or so, been largely overlooked. I drink, smoke and swear with the best of them. (Also, it has been established that i can punch pretty well. We had ourselves a little arm punching cipher.) But this weekend, the jig finally came up.

"So Annie, you're a girl.... and an Ex-girlfriend... so what does it mean
when your Ex yada yada yada..."

I had no answers for them. It's like all the estrogen in my body suddenly evaporated and left me high and dry. All i could do was ask stupid questions that made me feel like i was at work and their cell phones were defective, ie: how often does this happen? how did the last call end? was there much static? and so on. Which was all completely useless probing since i'm pretty sure every woman has different reasons for doing anything. I know i have anyway.

Since it became rather clear that i'm useless when it comes to matters of even my own sexe, someone finally said "fuck this shit, let's play some texas holdem." I kicked some ass and won.

Trips to my favorite comic book store have diminished in the past few months due to lack of funds. I try to get in there at least once a month now cuz if i wait any longer then that the tab ends up being somewhere around 150$. The last time i went in there i spotted Under-age cutie coming from the opposite side of the street, and we ended up getting to the store at the same time. Joey, the comic store owner who i also have a crush on (but who is married) was there that day and was completely surprised to see us walk in together, and of course didn't spare the kid any embarrassment. Today when i walked in to the shop Joey was there and asked where the kid was, brought up the fact that we'd walked in together the last time and said "so you've been emailing him huh?, Annie likes them young and fertile?" I honestly did not know what to say, so i said "yes, yes Annie does" I haven't even done anything with this guy and I'm already getting grief for it, this means Annie must put her money where her mouth is people.

while watching "the Ring 2"

Olympic Sleeper: Hey! they're in Astoria... remind you of anything?

Chubby Chaser: Yeah, the Goonies.

Annie: I was gonna say Encino man.

OS: "You're looking at the richest man in Astoria"

CC: "No pen, no write... no pen?"

Annie: "NO PHINOMEN! NO PHINOMEN!!"

OS: "bullet holes the size of matzaballs!!"

CC: "1...2...3...KPSH!"

OS: ...

Annie: ...

OS & Annie: What the fuck was that supposed to be?

CC: At the beginning... when they need the frame with the map to break... they give it to Chunk and "1.. 2..3 KPSH!" it breaks.

OS: But that could've been from any part of any movie man.

Annie: That's not how this game is played dude.

Spent the day with Olympic Sleeper on Sunday. One of those truly great days when you actually catch yourself having a good time. Good music , good weather, good laughs, good friends, good times...
"Hangin' in a chow line! Good times!"

Went to the dollorama, Christ is that place fun! Picked up 2 slingshots, a bandana, a butterfly/meno catcher, a lei and the dirtiest thing i've ever come across in any discount store. Did you know those rubbery/slimy/sticky hand things you used to get in machines at the grocery store exit, the ones in the impossible to open egg type things, those things are called "snatch hands", I almost pissed myself right then and there. Then O.S. put me in a headlock and we got the fuck outta there.

today's special guest Blogger is Olympic Sleeper

I told Annie, (notice the third person usage,....this is a blog?) that this "brat" may not have been in the right (and Annie, I totally agree with you on this and your being a responsible citizen) but he has to be good at something. I mean, if popping wheelies is this kid's thing, let him do what he's born to do. I guess what i'm trying ot say is that it's up to us to reach out to these back flip bitches and bond. Cause these back flip bitches are our future like it or not. Of the planet i mean.

Ps: I love your snatch hands!!!

Kids are A-holes

Last thursday night on Chubby Chaser's street, while looking for parking, I lost all hope for our future, for humanity in general. Three kids on bikes in front of us, a car or two behind us. Two of the kids move to the side of the street to let us pass and the third decides to start weaving around the road and put on a wheelie display. That's it, little shit. It's dark out and no crackwhore mother in sight. As I pull next to him i decide it is my civic duty to say something to this brat:

"You know what you're doing is dangerous?"

" No it's not, I have a right too, it's the law."

He said that to me. It's the law. This kid was 8 years old if he was a day. Old enough to have attitude but not quite old enough to know what to do with it.

There's no hope for us now, the world is going to be run by a generation of back flip bitches.

Smith responds!

In an earlier post i talked about World Famous for dicking around and how i believe that they are geniuses and deserve a Nobel prize for setting themselves on fire and playing football. In this post i mentioned that if they had a web site i would become a regular visitor and do my very best to get in touch with them. Ladies and Gentlemen, i've received a response. Granted not a long one, but an answer non the less. And here it is along with the email i sent to all the guys:

What up Team Squirrel ! ! !
Greetings from Canada !
I just wanted to tell you that i really enjoy your show... to hell with those agents and actors and other people you've had on the show who were not supportive of you. Team Squirrel deserves better. It deserves a fan base worthy of all of you and hopefully some day soon you will reap the benefits of said fame. So far i believe that best thing i've seen on tv in a long time was « football on fire « that was fucking brilliant.
Well, if you guys are ever in Montreal, let me know and i'll give you guys a tour of our Pubs and Bars :-)
Keep up the excellent work, and tell Burkey he really should get an email also :-)
Annie


Thanks for your e-mail football on fire is one of the favorite sports on the show.
Smith


Again, not much of a response, but it's enough for me to continue correspondence with them and any other celebrity i deem worthy of my time.

bathroom etiquette

When you work in a large office building you don't know everyone by name. I've been working at the same place for 4 years now so lot's of times i'll recognize you by face but not by name. Of course the people in my team i know by name, but not everyone else. So in 4 years, other then the people i sit with all day, i've made acquaintances with the people on the same pee schedule as I. You know the people you bump into on your way in/out of the can. Today, at the sinks, i ran into cute-blonde-girl-with-the-high-piched-voice. And today she is sporting 2 black eyes and a major bruise on her forehead. It took everything i had in me to not blurt out "HOlY FUCK! what the hell happened to your face?" As it did not look anything like the marks of a nose job, nor did i think it very polite to ask weather or not everything is ok at home... what is the proper bathroom etiquette in this situation.... how much concern should be shown to someone who's name you don't know but with whom your bladder obviously has a tight bond.

And how weird is it that this is the second person in the last 5 days that have shown up to work with a black eye.... somethings going on and i haven't been informed.... although come to think of it i guess thats a good thing.

The Earthquake has chosen to go to work instead of sending the pics from last Saturday's party. Priorities my friend, priorities.

And by the way, the next time you people decide to have an anniversary/un-anniversary drink-fest and i am not invited, there will be hell to pay.

you've been warned.