I'M ON VACATION BABY! HELL YEAH!!!

I thought i'd let you all know that i've had this song in my head for the last 3-4 days now. Enjoy.


I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perahaps it’s just my imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It’s time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there’s pretty lights
And though there’s little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
It’s just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

There is no mystery.

Have you ever encountered one of those women who just can't understand where the extra pounds are coming from. Try as they might, that 5lbs just won't come off. I feel for these ladies, I really do. Must be hard to live like that. Never knowing if that bag of chips will leave you bloated and disfigured. Will that candy bar be the straw that broke the camel's back? Will that backed potato set up permanent residence on my thighs? I pity those poor fools. Annie knows exactly why she's fat. There's no mystery about it.

1. When you eat at burger king at least once a week, you're gonna be fat.
2. When the most walking you do in any given day is the walk from the parking lot to your office chair, you're gonna be fat.
3. When supper time ends up being around 10ish at night almost every night, and bed time is 11h30, yeah you're gonna be fat.
4. When french fries becomes a food group that appears in almost every meal, except breakfast, you're gonna be fat.
5. When you can eat an entire bag of doritos/box of mae wests/cheesecake, yup, you're a fatty.

See no surprises here and that's the way i like it baby, now pass the onion dip goddamn it.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Getting to my car this morning should have been an Olympic event. The 20 foot driveway slide/hurdle. I'd at least get the bronze. My form was awesome. The way i held on to the car as to not fall under it, breathtaking.


Ok, i have a confession. I'm coming out of the dork closet and i don't care. I love Friends. Yes the Tv show. I just got the final season on dvd and watched it yesterday. Still laughed liked i'd never seen it before. The one where Phoebe changes her name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock and Mike changes his to Crap Bag, ah man, so funny. Plus Paul Rudd is so freakin' hot i can't stand it. That is all.

Fa la la la la la la la crap.

Well the holiday season is almost over. Everyone still alive? I sure as hell hope so, it's been a hard one for everyone this year i think. Annie's holidays have been good so far, i'm back at work for the next three days, that sucks ass, but what you gonna do right? I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and Mike, spent Christmas evening with my dad and his family and boxing day with my Step-mom and her people.

Christmas Eve was the only night that was normal really. Family, food and dog walking, everything was good. What i really wanted to share today was the Christmas experience i had with my Dad's family Christmas night. I guess i should first say that i hadn't attended Christmas with my Dad's family in about 6 years. Why? Well, when you're in a couple you have to sacrifice one holiday day for your significant other's family. And so i had gleefully given up Christmas at Granny's. But to make my Dad happy i told him i'd show up after supper around 7h30ish. I got there right one time to have one drink with my Dad and then he, and all my cousins, took off. Leaving me with my Aunt Eileen, auntie Felicity, Uncle Ernest, Uncle Jacob (yes the penis bleeder) and Ralph (yes the wannabe mayor of Dorval). As soon as my grand-mother was out the door, my aunts were sparking up a doobie, and as they're doing this my Uncle Ernest passes me the hash and puts me to work. He's been smoking longer then i've been alive but that motherfucker still doesn't know how to roll. Can you believe that shit?

So i'm sitting there and Ralph looks at me and says:

Ralph : Who's daughter are you?

Me: I'm Edward's daughter.

At this point even my Uncle Ernest (who's never really liked me all that much) was like What the hell man, it's Annie!

Ralph: So... your father knows you do this?

Me: yeah. i mean, i'm an adult, i work, i pay my bills, whatever's left over it's nobody's business what i do.

Ralph: well...i have a daughter...Tammy... do you know Tammy.

me: Yeah i know Tammy, she's my cousin.

Ralph: Really? oh, well see it's all about respect. (this coming from a man who used to beat the shit out of my aunt) I wouldn't want to know that my daughter does this.

Me: you gonna tell on me Uncle Ralph?

Ralph: No no, that's not what i'm sayin'

He then got up and went downstairs and passed out.

I've smoked with family before, so it's not like i didn't know what i was getting into, but it's never been this weird before. All my aunts and uncles were basically trying to get my attention all evening ei:

"my guy makes his hash with ice-water"
"Did you see the new bracelet i got, i've always wanted one of these" (a bracelet with a gold 18 wheeler with rubies for headlights, classy shit)
"Are you hungry? try the meat pies"
"so dude, you're dick still bleeding?"
"This shit is a Ten! TEN!"
"We never see you! you never come over!"
"let me fix you a plate of something"

So basically that was about it for 4 hours. The uncles talking to me about drugs and the aunts trying to feed me in between sentences.

by the way the meat pies were awesome. And I swiped some hash off my uncle Ernest. Happy Festivus Bitches.

Merry Christmas Hosers!!!

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

8 comic books,
7 packs of smokes,
6 packs of two-four,
5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
4 lbs of backbacon,
3 french toast,
2 turtlenecks
And a beer!

WARNING!!!! Smallville spoiler!!

The good people over at Kryptonsite have put a spoiler picture for Smallville's 100th episode "Reckoning". In the picture Clark and Lana are in the Fortress of solitude together, he is on one knee and holding out what appears to be an engagement ring. Annie is NOT happy.

What the fuck is she doing in the fortress?? Chloe seeing the place was bad enough but now Lana. No, this should not happen.

I'm aware that someone is gonna die in this episode, i can only hope that this means they've decided to kill Lana off. Lex would be pissed and driven even further to evil, Clark's posistion that no one must know would be re-inforced, i think all in all it would be a good thing to kill Lana, i'm just sick of the whole thing with her.

6 packs of two-four, 5 GOLDEN TOQUES,4lbs of backbacon,3 french toast,2 turtlenecks and a beer

It's the day before Christmas eve and I haven't bought one single gift for anyone. I'm planning on going shopping later since i'll probably get out of here early. they say today will be the busiest shopping day of the year. This won't be good will it? shit.

Penguins, Banff and other stories.

The other day we rented The March of the Penguins, and let me tell you it's the most interesting movie i've ever watched. Who knew emperor Penguins were the shit like that? You know we live our lives relatively unaware of the world we live in. We just trudge along, making the most of it, complaining about things we don't have, or should have or do have and don't want. We live without being really aware of the planet we're doing the living on and unaware of the other species that we share the planet with.

Let me tell you what i learned about Penguins :
.Penguins from all tribes all over the Antarctic will make the 70 mile trek to gather once a year in the same place, where each one of them were born, to mate and start a family.
.The male and female Penguin are equally responsible for the chick's survival.
.The male penguin, for the sake of the chick, will go more then 125 days without food.
.If the chick dies the mother Penguin will sometimes go crazy and try to steal a chick from another mother, but the community will not stand for this.

I swear i learned so much watching that movie it's crazy, i highly recommend it.

In other news, Trevor (aka Olympic Sleeper) has decided to move to Banff this friday. This time he's gonna truely be on his owe since he doesn't know anyone there. Perhaps the broken toe and burns acquired while in Calgary left him to feel as though he'd accomplished what he could in the short period of time he was there, i don't know, but i certainly hope that there wont be anymore injuries before he comes home.

3 french toast, 2 turtlenecks and a beer.

The Blog gods are angry with me. I honestly thought that the Dukes of Hazzard aired in the late '70s, but in truth the show aired from '79 to '85, and so the Genaral Lee rightfully deserves a spot in the top 5 awesome cars of the '80s list. And because i've neglected the General the blog Gods have punished me with a Splogger. I guess i deserve it.

On the first day of Christmas my to love gave to me : a beer.

top 5 five awesome cars of the '80s:

1. Back to the Futur Delorean
2. Batmobile
3. Ecto 1
4. Kit
5. Herbie (only gets honorable mention as i've no other to put in it's place.

Look at all this shit.

Holy crap people winter is officially here. It didn't just knock at our door it fucking knocked it down and pushed it's way in didn't it? Jesus Christ. So i guess if you ski or snowboard or snow shoe or have dog sleds you must be happier then a pig in shit, but for the rest of us schmucks this pretty much sucks ass. Thank god i slept in town yesterday cuz if i hadn't i'd still be on the mercier bridge right now that's for sure. I can't honestly remember the last time the roads were this bad. I had to back up at the corner of Trinitaire and Newman to get a running start to take that turn, i don't think i've ever had to do that before. A cop car was stuck in the police station parking lot on Dollard, that was funny. It's also the first time i've ever just left my car where it stopped in the snow. It's somewhere in the middle of the parking lot... can't wait to try to get out later, it's gonna be a blast.


On an unrelated subject, CC and I went to futur shop last night. We picked up a couple movies (he got family guy volume3 and i picked up the 40 year old virgin). We get to the cash and i notice that on top of the cash register there's a little action figure dude standing there. I couldn't make out who he was so i said to the girl behind the cash:

me: who's this little guy?

Rep: I have no idea, some kid left it here so i put him up there.

I look closer at the figure and and notice that he has one arm in the air.

Me: you know he's got a hail hitler thing going on.

Rep: huh?

CC: Way to freak people out there Annie.

Me: It's not like i put his hand out like that, i'm just letting her know so she can move him or something.

CC: One arm is hitler and two is hourray?

Me: hey i dont make the rules baby.

All bets are off. The apple juice bottle is broken. When the bottle shattered i don't know. All i know is i went to check on it and the entire top of the bottle came off.

The un-opened can of gingerale that has been sitting in the cup holder of my car for the last 6-8 months finally exploded this morning. I'm thinking the apple juice should blow in another few days. I'm taking bets.

Lexmas : not completely shit.

For the first time in a long time i missed Smallville last week. No one taped it, nothing, which sucked because it was the first holiday themed episode. But it's all good because i caught it on the Achannel last night. I was 95% sure that it was going to be pure crap, something like Lex's version of Scrooged or something. Plus the spoilers over at Kryptonsite had warned us that Santa was in this episode. Well that's just freaking great, i thought, Santa. But it really wasn't as bad as i thought, the Santa stuff was sub-story and most of the episode was a Lex/Scrooged type affair but what's really important is how the episode ended. Does Lex find the spirit of Christmas? Well, no, but goddamn it who cares? He's evil and i love it.

Dave i have your tie, i used it to hold back my hair as i threw up.

The annual office Christmas party. A time to come together with your co-workers, laugh, drink and make an ass of yourself. I guess that's why i've never been to my own office Christmas party and always attend Chubby Chaser's. Going to CC's office xmas party is always fun for me. As i've mentioned in previous posts, i also used to work there myself a few years back, so every year at xmas it's a hoot for me to see people's expressions like don't i know her? or jeeze she looks familiar, or in the case of the big boss (not Dave) Hey it's you again! good to see you! Of course he has no recollection that i actually used to be his secretary, but it's all good because 4 years after i quit that job i'm still getting all the free xmas booze i can drink from him. Thank you Jim.

The evening began with CC and I getting ready for the evening, in my case that means pre-rolling. We arrived at the restaurant on Stanley fashionably late and found our way to the production table to sit with Dave (who had obviously been hitting back the Caesar already) his wife Kelly, Yves and his Ex Isabelle (I don't think i've talked about Yves before but he's the best there is, he kicks so much ass it's not even funny, CC calls him Papa Yves) Claude and his friend D. (D. turns to me after somewhere after drink #3 for me and says "Do you remember me ? i wasn't here last year but i was the year before" "um yeah i remember you, you used to come to my place and sell me weed" "really?" "yeah") As usual the alcohol was supposed to be controlled by given us tickets instead of having an open bar, but with Dave it is an open bar because he had about 50 tickets on him at all times. So here's my white girl list of shit i drank :

5 glasses of white wine
1 glass of red wine
4 bloody ceasar's
1 shot of tequila
1 sex on the beach
3 joints (while at the restaurant)

Here is what i remember from the evening, things are in no particular order.

At one point CC stood up and pointed to Denis, who was sitting at the table next to us, licked his lips, rubbed his nipples and blew him a kiss.

The receptionist, Carmen, and CC we're the only two people on the dance floor and they were grinding each other, the entire restaurant went silent during this show.

Dave and I crank called Golden boy Steve twice, since he and his girlfriend Crista had a lovers private booth.

Again CC stood up and told Denis that if he wanted and i quote "de l'amour féroce" that he should come see him.

At one point D.Unbuttonedd Dave's shirt and i put on his tie.

CC and Carmen got on the dance floor again and CC picked her up and started walking around with her.

For some reason, at one point Dave was holding my hand. Don't ask me why cuz i don't know.

Catherine told me that she'd do a shot with me if i found her one more girl, we ended up being 15 people at the bar doing shots.

When CC went to see the boss's son (a cocky snot nosed 20 year old) for more tickets and was told not to ask for more tickets for another 20 minutes, CC told him he'd kick his ass.

We had to get the car out of the parking garage by midnight, but we we're still having a good time so i decided i'd drive around and look for a parking spot on the street. I drove around the bloc about 10 times and never found one. To keep me talking, since i was very tipsy at this point i decided to call around and see who was up. Genny works in a bar downtown so i thought i'd drop by but i have no idea where the bar is, so i left her a message. Turn's out the bar she works in is on Stanley, which means i passed by it at least 10 times.

Then i called Mase, which i really regret today. We were both pretty drunk and he was very sober. Not that i didn't want to see him or anything like that. It just became painfully obvious that we were wrecked and stupid. It became even more painfully obvious when CC and Mase went out for smokes and i finally sat down for the first time in the evening, and then i threw up.

As i sat there on Mase's bathroom floor, i thought about why the hell we were there in the first place, and why the hell had i called our poor friend at 12h30 all fucking drunk and retarded. Why was i in his bathroom throwing up. And not the good throw up, the kind that gets stuck all chunky at the back of your throat. I thought "thank god i didn't give Dave his tie back or this might have been really gross"

All in all, i think a good time was had by all.

oh yeah, Mase, that bleach thing in your toilet, it fell in as i was throwing up... i cleaned it, but i thought you should know.

More psychic proof.

Last night while eating with my Dad and my step-mom...

Dad: So, Henri at work he's got scales.

Step-mom: Scales? What's that?

Me: I think he means Shingles. But I don't know what they are.

Dad: Oh yeah, shingles, that's right.

Me: I am? shit.

There's nothing worst then putting on yesterday's socks.

Last night's bus ride wasn't half bad. To be honest it kinda felt nice to not have to drive after my shift at work. I dozed a little bit, walked from Angrignon and it took just about an hour to get to Gen's place. This morning, however, is another story. Last night i seemed to forget why i absolutely had to get a car in the first place and thought this ain't so bad, i remembered this morning why i got the car. 1.) Apparently a 5 year lapse between bus rides has taken away my bus balance. Bus balance? You know that cosmic thing that keeps you straight and not falling over everyone in the bus, well i lost that shit and annoyed everyone this morning. 2.) My body does not respond well to the seats at the back of the bus that are backwards, it was not good. Somewhere around 32nd ave. i must have looked pretty bad because the guy sitting in front of me said "you don't look so good, maybe it's something you ate... want me to open the window?" 3.) Although this isn't a reason why i bought a car, i thought i'd mention that the topless breakfast place next to Le cordon on Dollard is now a flower shop...topless flower shop, that i don't know.


Needless to say that, although i super thankful to Gen for letting me crash at her place last night on such short notice, i cannot wait to go home tonight and get my car back.

Quote of the evening, by Gen.

Gen: "..... it's like car and you just add the bonated at the end"

Annie: "bonated, lol, sounds like that shit is done in a separate building. Sounds like there's a dwarf, a crossbow and some vaseline involved."

Gen: "That's quite a visual. I wonder if an arrow would go straight threw a midget?"

Annie: "Ah midget impalment."

Gen: "Well, midget impalment is like fucking a gerbil, it never goes out of style."


Indeed.

That's it, i'm loosing my mind and my patience. This fucking car is going to be the death of me. I mean it. Last night the battery light went on. Everything in the car seemed ok, the lights were fine, the radio, everything. I got home fine. This morning the car started, no problem. About 5 minutes later the battery light went on again. I made it all the way to the Barbie's in Dorval, at which point the air bag light went on, the speedometer dropped to 0, the heat gadge dropped to cold and the seat belt light went on. I was still driving, the car itself didn't stop. I got to the parking lot and called my mechanic guy, he tells me i won't be able to drive it home, i'll have to get it towed. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I seriously can't handle this. Seriously.

Annie on Pornography

Ah the first weekend of December. International put up your tree and lights weekend. Or in my house National get yelled at by daddy day. So this year i decided i'd avoid all that and go over to Chubby Chaser's and set up my Christmas tree at his place. Why his place? cuz i've got no room in my apartment and i set it up there last year and never brought any of my shit home, that's why. A good time was had by all, the two of us that is. He read comics and i wrestled with the lights while watching A nightmare before Christmas (Christmas movie or Halloween movie, please discuss for we have not yet come to a conclusion). We rented Bewitched and Sky high, all in all i'd have to say it was a pretty girly weekend, and i thank CC for being the kind of guy who's very secure in his manhood as to not mind the cute-sie woot-sie shit once in a while.

Around midnight CC went to bed and i wasn't all that tired yet. As the snoring began in the other room, i figured i'd check out CC'c porn collection. So i popped in "Teen Pink #2". Pretty much your average porn. No story line at all in this one and I did fast forward past all the foot fucking, since Annie's not really into all that. Plus it was a little on the long side, you know : blowjob, pussy, ass, blowjob, repeat. The girls were ok looking and the guys weren't anything special... up until couple #3, holy crap!!! When he first appeared my first thought was "she is not gonna put that in her ass, i refuse to believe it", and then, she did and i decided i should probably turn off the porn for the night.

We all have our porn preferences. The industry is so freaking big that no matter what turns you on, chances are there's a tape out there with your perverted name on it. What turns Annie on when it comes to porn? Well the number one thing i like to see when watching porn is girls having fun. I say girls because as i was watching that video the other night, it occurred to me that i'd been watching these people fuck for 20 minutes, and i still haven't seen that guy's face, but i assume he was having a good time. But mostly it's the girl on girl girls that i want to see have a good time. I can't stand fake lesbian porn. I'm not a lesbian, Annie loves the cock, but when you're already putting yourself out there in porn, either try to look like you're enjoying it or just say no to bisexuality, it's not for you.

But my biggest porn pet peeve, and i'm sure it's gonna sound crazy and kinda stupid, is the use of condoms in porn. I cannot stand that shit. If click on to porn and see a guy with a rubber, i will not watch. I know everyone should use condoms, they're very important and all of that, and i do use them when sex happens, no matter how much the mood gets shot to shit. But i digress. Condoms in porn, in my opinion, just shouldn't be. For example, take your average porn that's on the movie network past 11h30 any weekday. The story is as follows: Tina Aereola is a wood nymph and she is enjoying wandering around the forest. She is beautiful and painted purple. She also has feathers in lieu of pubic hair. When along comes the hero of the story, the gladiator who happens to be in said wooded area. They see each other and it is lust at first sight. So in the midst of all this, the feathered crotch, the body paint, the woods, one of those two people has a condom. Fuck that man, if i were a wood nymph i would not carry a condom on me. And i wouldn't if i were a gladiator either.

Rule #1: If your dick is bleeding, go to the hospital.

To all my readers who must be wondering what has become of my uncle with the bleeding penis, for i'm positive that it's been the only thing on your minds, the hemorrhaging has apparently not subsided and he is once again been hospitalized.

As far as i'm concerned the moron deserves it. Why so cruel Annie? Because, goddamn it, any man worth anything musthave certain have certain basic principals right? I have to believe that. You know, shit like call your mother once a week or be nice to your sister or rotate your tires every so often or something like that, you know rules to live by. And i'm assuming that somewhere up high on that list is my dick's bleeding then there's a problem i need to look into. I mean if my nipples were to suddenly start lactating blood, i'd have it checked out. But that's just me, call me crazy.

If you've ignored the puddles you wake up in, specially if they are not man spurt, well brother you deserve what's coming to you.

I just feel bad that my grandmother's going to have to pay for that dipshit's funeral.

I am stupid. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to put attachments on my email. I work on computers everyday and i spent 45 minutes last night, without being successful, trying to figure it out. I need help.

dogs playing poker, that's the shit.

I received an email from someone at work who needs to give away 7 golden retriever puppies. I fowarded the email to my mom since she's the only person i know who even has a dog. Unfortunately for the puppies, my mom already has her hands full with Tootsie, the Pomeranian, but she and my step-dad Mike said that if they were retired they'd take all 7.

I say if you'd take all 7 i say to hell with that, i'm pretty sure that 7 dogs equals one horse. And if it's no dice for the horse, at least get all different types of dogs (ei: wiener, sheppard...) so that we can make them play poker. That would be awesome.

Peter : California's Master Haberdasher.

On the way to Genny's place, yesterday after work, she asked me "what do you call a person that makes hats in english?" And for some reason the word "haberdashery" popped into my head, i don't really know why because at the time i had no idea what "haberdashery" meant, but it sounded right for some reason. We called a few people looking for the answer, but no one really knew what the other word for hat maker was. I got fed up and looked it up on the internet. A haberdashery is a place where men's clothing is sold. That still didn't really help. At 7h30pm on a wednesday, everything's closed here in Montreal. So i looked up hat manufacturers in Vancouver, cuz i figure Vancouver's still open. I came across Baron California Hats, and thought, well California's open. This was my conversation.

Customer Service: Baron California Hats how may i help you?

Annie: Baron hat's?

CS: yes?

A: I have a question about hats.

CS: you have a question about hats?

A: yes i do.

CS: ok... hold on a second.

(puts me on hold and seems to pick up again in a more quiet environment, as to give me his full attention no doubt)

CS: So you have a hat question?

A: Well, yeah, my friend and I were wondering if there's another term for "hat maker"?

CS: Yep, that's called a Haberdasher.

A: Hell yes i knew i was right! Dude i'm calling from Montreal to find this out! Everything's closed here in Montreal!

Cs: um...

A: That's in Canada.

Cs: wow... what time is it in Canada?

A: well... it's 7h30 in Montreal... what time is it in California?

Cs: it's about... 4h30.

A: Almost quitting time huh?

Cs: you got it.

A: What's your name?

Cs: Peter.

A: Well Peter, thank you very much for answering my question, you were very helpful.

P: No problem, by the way, a woman hat maker is called a Milliner.

A: Sweet! Thanks! You have yourself a great evening in California!

P: No problem, you too!



I bet you that guy's never gotten a call like that before.